Principle 6: Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.
“Blessed are the merciful; Blessed are the peacemakers.” (Matthew 5:7 ,9 )
Step 8 & 9 (combined): We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all (8), and we did so (9).
GRACE
God’s grace meets you where you are, but does not leave you where it found you. In 1 Peter 5:5 , we are told, “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” It is the same message given in Proverbs 3:34 . The context of 1 Peter 5 is about submitting to each other and humbling yourself before God that He may lift you up. But Proverbs 3 and 1 Peter 5 are not the only places you find this teaching in Scripture; it is also found in James 4:6 , but let’s with James 4:1-3 …
“Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.
Fights and wars…ever have any of those? We wouldn’t have to talk about forgiveness and making amends if we didn’t have fights and wars, right? We fight with our parents, authorities, our spouse, kids, friends, strangers. Even church people fight, which is disgraceful. After all, WHY do we fight and war? Well as James 4:1-3 says, it’s because of the desires for pleasure that war in our minds and bodies. You insist and firmly believe that your way is right, mine is wrong. You choose to live your life to suit yourself, right? “It’s all about me!” Well, when your life is all about you, and my life is all about me, eventually we are going to have a problem!
If your life is all about getting that next drink, next fix, that release, that money, that “me time”… but your spouse has different expectations of you, if your spouse wants you to do something else, you’re going to have conflict. James goes on to say, “you murder and covet and cannot obtain.” Well, maybe you don’t literally murder, but in your heart you murder. In Matthew 5:22 Jesus said that anyone who is angry at someone without cause is in danger of the same judgment as a murderer. We are really good at character assassination and degrading others. We covet selfish pleasure and ambitions, or we covet revenge or humiliation of anyone who offends us. These verses go on to say that if you do ask, you ask amiss, or wrongly, wanting only to fulfill your own personal satisfaction and gratification. The worst part is that when you go on living for your own desires, pleasures, and ambitions you find yourself empty, lonely, and exhausted.
Now, does any of that sound like humility? Of course not, it is prideful and self-centered. Pride and self-centeredness lead to conflict, hurts, addictions and resentments. So again, “God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:4-6 puts it very bluntly.
“Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you think that the Scripture says in vain, ‘The Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously’?”
Why does it call you out as an adulterer or adulteress? Because if you’ve come to faith in Christ…you belong to Him. Yet you chase after the old lusts…your way which leads to conflict hurts, addictions, and resentments. Demanding your way causes you to fight and war because such demands and desires are friendship with the world…friendship with those old things you used to chase after. James says that you make yourself an enemy of God by doing this. If you do this as someone who claims to follow Christ, you really have put yourself in conflict with God. You are His Temple because you have received the Holy Spirit. Can we be the Temple of God
So what do we do? Well, read James 4:6-10 .
“But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: ‘God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’ Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.”
None of us deserve God’s grace, it is His undeserved favor toward us. When you humble yourself before Him, trust in His Son, commit yourself to Him…and continue to do so…
He pours His grace upon you.
G.R.A.C.E.
Guilty
Grace is not earned or deserved…otherwise it would be wages. You have earned wages: Romans 3:23 says, “for all have sinned and come short of the glory of God” and Romans 6:23 says, “the wages of sin is death.” we have all pursued, even demanded “my will be done” which is worshipping yourself instead of worshipping God.
Redeemed (purchased)
Yet God offers forgiveness to you. Not just forgiveness, but freedom from selfishness, sinful pride, and rebellion, freedom from the penalty of sin because Jesus paid the penalty it for you.
Accepted
Because of Jesus’ sacrifice for your sin on the Cross, you can be redeemed and God will apply Jesus’ payment to your sin (a price you cannot pay). He will then accept you as His adopted child, but only when you accept Jesus as your Saviour.
Child
Redeemed, accepted, now you belong to Him. He continues to give grace to the humble… grace for victory over hurts and habits, grace for accepting forgiveness when someone does you wrong, grace for offering forgiveness when you do wrong to someone else, and grace for getting through the trials and difficulties of this life.
Everlasting
As a Child of God, He promises you eternal life, free from the fear of judgment because the required payment has been paid.
That’s what Step 6 is about…grace.
Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.
You can try to do that on your own, but like any addiction, it’ll return or shift to something else. Your best attempt at forgiveness or making amends will come to some self-serving action that is not heart-felt (except to get yourself out of trouble or appease your guilt). You will eventually take back your forgiveness or create new resentments because you are doing it without grace. God is the only source of true grace and He resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. As a recipient of His grace you are expected to grant that grace to others.
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