Recovery Step 4: Love is Kind

Introduction

In this post we continue the process of the Step 4 Spiritual Inventory. Over the past weeks we have prepared for this Holy Spirit led examination because we don’t need a bunch of opinions or misunderstandings or deceptions about ourselves or our situation; we need the truth. I cannot get from point A to point B with a GPS unless I have accurate information about where I am and where I’m going. It’s the same thing with recovery; I need the truth about where I am and how to get where I need to go. Our understanding of ourselves is most often based on biased and faulty information, but God knows the truth and the Truth will set you free. That is why we submit, as Step 4 says, to a Spirit-led inventory.

Last week we opened our hearts and minds to what love truly is. The world gives us a very twisted and self-centered view of love; that is not God’s design. Now you may be asking what Godly love has to do with recovery. The answer is everything. In recovery we know that worldly “love” most often hinders recovery which is why we’ve all heard it said countless times not to get into a romantic relationship while in recovery. The reason we need Godly love is that God designed us as social beings; we were made to commune with Him and other people. Addiction is very selfish and tends to drive us away from people and from God. Addiction is destructive because it makes us isolate, hide, lie and deceive. Godly love is a huge part of recovery as it beings us back into the kind of healthy relationships we need.

The Holy Spirit describes Godly love in 1 Corinthians 13. We began our spiritual inventory with a discussion of love with the first descriptive word (patient) in 1 Corinthians 13:4. This post begins with a quick review and then onto the second descriptive word which is “kind.”

Love Is Kind:

God’s description of love begins with this, “Love suffers long” (1 Corinthians 13:4). The Greek word translated “suffers long” or “is patient” means to withstand aggravation without complaint. Thus, in your Spirit-led self-examination, ask the Spirit to reveal to you the truth with the following questions:

How patient are you with close family?

How patient are you with extended family and friends?

How patient are you with acquaintances and strangers?

How patient are you with those who hate you?

These questions are best answered in light of God’s patience with you.

Now let’s move onto the second descriptive word in 1 Corinthians 13:4, “Love suffers long and is kind.” Kind is a rare Greek verb used only once in the New Testament, though other forms of the root word are used often. The Greek verb “kind” means to take merciful and gracious action toward someone. It is illustrated in a well-known parable Jesus told. Before we jump into the parable let me give you a little background information, some context if you will. The account of Jesus telling this story is found in Luke 10:25-37. Jesus is being challenged by a lawyer who seeks to discredit Him. The lawyer’s purpose is to divide the crowd so he asks Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life. In Jewish society at the time, there was much debate about the reality of eternal life. Some, known as the Sadducees, did not believe in such a thing, many others, however, did. Jesus’ response to the lawyer’s question was, “What is written in the Law? What is your reading of it?” Jesus is talking about the Old Testament Law. The lawyer responded by quoting from Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,’ and ‘your neighbor as yourself.’” Jesus replied, “You have answered rightly; do this and you shall live.” As a sidebar let me say that loving God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength includes trusting Him. Thus, when He tells you that the only way to be forgiven and have union with Him is through believing that Jesus died in your place, taking your punishment, and rising again so that you can have new life now and eternal life to come, you believe Him because you know He loves you and that you can trust Him (1 Corinthians 15:3-4; Acts 16:31). You cannot say you love God in the way described above if you deny what He says.

Back to Luke 10 and the parable. The lawyer, upon hearing Jesus tell him his answer was correct, realized he hadn’t gotten the answer he wanted; there was nothing there to accuse Jesus or divide the crowd. So, he pressed onward asking, “and who is my neighbor?” Now again, let me give you some background information. Jesus is about to answer the lawyer using a story about a Samaritan. The Jews hated the Samaritans; they considered them defiled. The Samaritans descended from the Jews who were left behind when Assyria conquered the Northern Kingdom of Israel, and the people Assyria transplanted into that territory. Thus, they were not fully Jewish and the Jews hated them because of that. Jesus had several interactions with Samaritans (see John 4 for example) as He showed them love and compassion and tried to teach His disciples to do the same. Now, lets read the parable in Luke 10:30-35:

“A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, who stripped him of his clothing, wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a certain priest came down that road. And when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. Likewise a Levite, when he arrived at the place, came and looked, and passed by on the other side. But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was. And when he saw him, he had compassion. So he went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; and he set him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. On the next day, when he departed, he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said to him, ‘Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I come again, I will repay you.’”

Jesus then asked the lawyer, “So which of these three do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?” Jesus has presented an interesting case to the lawyer who must now admit that the despised Samaritan is the one who showed love, not the priest or Levite who were Jews. The lawyer replied, “The one who showed mercy on him.” Jesus then said, “Go and do likewise.” Go and do what the Samaritan did, show mercy and love, even to those who hate you.

The Samaritan didn’t walk over to the bleeding, dying man lying along the road and say, “Oh man, you look terrible. Well, I hope you get feeling better; I’ll pray for you. See you later.” No, he stopped, kneeled down and dressed the wounds, took him to safe shelter and cared for him. He demonstrated love. Specifically, he showed the kindness of 1 Corinthians 13:4 by taking merciful and gracious action toward someone who would have otherwise hated him.

So then, in our spiritual inventory, do you show that kind of love? As addicts, that is highly unlikely. Again, addiction makes us very selfish, so selfless kindness like that just doesn’t happen. We can do some “nice” things but there will be some type of selfish motivation. Godly, loving kindness moves to demonstrate compassion with no selfish motivation. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you what kind of love you have been showing:

How kind are you with close family?

How kind are you with extended family and friends?

How kind are you with acquaintances and strangers?

How kind are you with those who hate you?

These are best answer in light of how kind God is with you. His example is the requirement of Godly love.

Conclusion

Patience and kindness are the necessary passive and active responses of Godly love toward others. Patience allows us to be mistreated and still be compassionate instead of being bitter or vengeful. Kindness means taking compassionate action toward others. Addiction, even codependency, is an entirely selfish thing. To love with patience and kindness makes addiction difficult if not impossible because it removes the selfishness. This type of love is only possible through submission to the Spirit. As Step 1 says, I do not have the power to love like this on my own. Step 2 adds, only God has the power to produce that kind of love in me. Step 3 then tells us that we must give ourselves over to God, yielding to His will for us. Step 4 is where God shows us what needs to change about us so that we can be more like our perfect example and Saviour, Jesus.

Grace & Peace,

Pastor Mark

Recovery Step 4: Love is patient

Introduction
Last week in our Step 4 spiritual inventory study we talked about what it means to commune with God and other people, to know and to be known on a deep, meaningful level. We were made to commune with God and people around us. Our lifelong fulfillment, satisfaction and joy comes from that communion. Our eternal destiny in Christ is to commune with God and all who are united to Him through faith in Christ.

Tonight we are going to begin a discussion of the healing and uniting power of Godly love. What does love have to do with communion and recovery? God’s love for us is the reason communing with Him is possible. True love incorporates what is needed for communion. We are going to take an extended look at 1 Corinthians 13 which provides God’s description of love. The world tells us a very different story about what love is and as usual, the world has it all wrong. Tonight we start with two pillars of love found in 1 Corinthians 13:4a.

I encourage you to read 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 right now.

Two Pillars of Love:

God’s detailed definition of love begins with this, “Love suffers long and is kind” (1 Corinthians 13:4a). The Greek word translated “suffers long” or “is patient” means to withstand aggravation without complaint. Jesus spoke to this with Peter and the disciples, giving an accompanying illustration in Matthew 18:22-27:

Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.

In our spiritual examination, how patient are you with close family? How patient are you with extended family and friends? How patient are you with acquaintances and strangers? How patient are you with those who hate you? Perhaps these are better answered in light of God’s patience with you.

On the drive down here tonight for CR to talk about loving patience, I found myself frustrated when the car in front of me on a narrow, twisting road stopped to pick someone up, blocking the road for what seemed a long time. I’m sure it was actually less than a minute, but come on, pull over and let me pass! I wasn’t very patient. Now I didn’t lay on the horn, didn’t shout obscenities out the window and I didn’t make any gestures. From all appearances I was calm. In my mind, however, I was offended at the audacity of this person to needlessly hold up traffic. I have no idea who the person was so I cannot confess to them, but I am confessing it now. It happens so easily, especially when not face-to-face with the other person; that is a real problem with social media by the way. You and I can get caught up in what we need or want to do and if someone hinders that in anyway, any patience we may have had goes out the window. When you add difficult circumstances to the mix like health issues, the loss of a family member or friend, financial stress, your addiction or dealing with someone else’s addiction it is all the more difficult to love with a patient and long-suffering type of love. It is impossible, in fact, to be patient in those situations unless you and I are clinging to Christ and yielded to the Holy Spirit.

The second pillar is to be kind and we’ll get into what that means next week.

Conclusion

How much do we really know about Godly love? Moreover, knowing about love is far different than knowing love. Communion with the Father, Son, and Spirit is recovery. Our level of loving patience and kindness toward others is an indicator of the kind of communion with have with God. Perhaps spiritual inventory reveals there is room for improvement. It’s time to let God renew your mind and heart. Spend some time with Him this week in that endeavor by reading and meditating upon 1 Corinthians 13:1-8.

Grace & Peace,
Pastor Mark

Recovery Step 4: Communing with God

Introduction
When it comes to selfishness, isolation is the best breading ground because you are the only one around. Being self-less takes more than being around other people, however. Being self-less like Jesus requires communion with Him. When you hear the word communion you may think about the bread and cup, and that’s good, but the bread and cup are meant to represent the communion (closeness) we have with God and through Him each other. It’s one thing to be friendly; it’s another thing to have a best friend, someone with whom you have a really meaningful relationship. Tonight we continue with Step 4, a process that needs to be characteristic of our daily lives, called spiritual inventory.  Let the Truth of the Word sink into your minds and see what changes need to be made in your life…

Communion  with God

What does is mean to commune?
The word “commune / communion” only appears once in the Old Testament and then only in Ecclesiastes 1:16 of the KJV and NKJV Bibles, but the idea of communing with God is everywhere in the Bible. In that verse Solomon is “communing” with his own heart about how great he is, “I communed with my heart, saying, ‘Look, I have attained greatness, and have gained more wisdom than all who were before me in Jerusalem. My heart has understood great wisdom and knowledge.’” That’s not the type of communion we are striving for here. The English word “commune” has a range of meanings including “communicate, connect, be one with.” Think of a set of gears: interconnected, moving/working together, engineered and assembled with great precision, meshing w/o grinding; they are totally comfortable fully engaged and interlocked even at very high speed. I once swapped out the rear differential in my ’68 Dodge Coronet convertible. It had .273 highway gears and I wanted .410 tire burning gears. I installed the part, but they didn’t mesh right and every tooth caught just a little creating a terrible jerking. I couldn’t go 5 mph as I backed it out of the garage stall and back then back in. The gears were not communing with the rear axles and with my limited knowledge, I could only reinstall the old gears.

Thinking back to Solomon in Ecclesiastes, perhaps he should have communed with his heart on the words of Jeremiah 9:23-24 (but then Jeremiah hadn’t been written yet), but still it says, “Thus says the LORD: ‘Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, let not the mighty man glory in his might, nor let the rich man glory in his riches; but let him who glories glory in this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the LORD, exercising lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth, for in these I delight,’ says the LORD.” God said for us to glory in knowing Him. It’s knowing God, not knowing about God.

So, what does it mean to commune? It means to know someone deeply, intimately and to be known deeply and intimately. Knowing God is the remedy of sin and addiction. Knowing God and each other is therapy for lingering and new sinful habits. Knowing God begins only through His Son, Jesus Christ. It continues through His Holy Spirit who teaches us about God, ourselves and each other.

Knowing and being known

In our creation/birth we were made to know God like Adam & Eve in the Garden before they sinned and broke that communion. They were created for communion with God and they walked and talked with Him. We were also born for communion with God.

In our life, our satisfaction and joy doesn’t come from selfish pursuits, like Solomon found out in Ecclesiastes, but from knowing / communing with God. Let’s look at some New Testament uses of the word “commune/communion.” We often mention 1 Corinthians  10:12-13, “Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” But that isn’t the end of the point. It continues, “Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry. I speak as to wise men; judge for yourselves what I say. The cup of blessing which we bless, is it not the communion of the blood of Christ? The bread which we break, is it not the communion of the body of Christ? For we, though many, are one bread and one body; for we all partake of that one bread.” It mentions the bread and cup, the symbols of our communion with Christ, but the real point is the actual communion we have with Christ and thus each other…knowing and being known. That communion with Christ is why we flee from idolatry and the worship of what is vain, which is often self.

We also know 2 Corinthians 6:14-17, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they shall be My people.’” Look, you can’t have a wife and a girlfriend and treat them both right. In the same way, you can’t have communion with God and with idols/demons too (1 Corinthians 10:23+)

One you may not know as well is 2 Corinthians 13:14, “The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you all. Amen.” The love of God sent Jesus to save us and calls us to know Him. The grace of Jesus paid our sin debt and granted us access to Father. Communion with Spirit keeps us from sin by drawing us close to Christ.

Our future in Christ is knowing God in completeness as we behold Him. Jesus explains eternal life in John 17:1-3, “Father, the hour has come. Glorify Your Son, that Your Son also may glorify You, as You have given Him authority over all flesh, that He should give eternal life to as many as You have given Him. And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” Eternal life means knowing the Father and Jesus.

Conclusion

When trials some, when addictions hunt you, when resentment overwhelms you, the peace to endure, the strength to stand, and the power to be healed is not found in reading the 12 Steps or phoning a friend…it’s in communing with God. So, spend some time in prayer, meditating on Scripture and interacting with the Church.

Grace & Peace,
Pastor Mark

Recovery Step 4 Worship

Introduction

When it comes to addictions and resentments, something that is typically in short supply is worship of Almighty God. There is plenty of worship of other things, but not Him. Many times in Scripture God warns us about worshipping things and/or people because it is self-destructive as it drives us down the slippery slope of addiction. By contrast, worshipping God with a pure heart brings joy, peace, stability and contentment. Tonight we return to the process of Step 4: Spiritual Inventory. Let the Truth of the Word sink into your minds tonight and see what changes need to be made in your life.

Now that we are back to in-person gatherings, small groups in large spaces as we call it, the Tuesday Celebrate Recovery and Sunday worship services are being linked. On Tuesday we will concentrate more on individual inventory while on Sunday the focus will be group (church) inventory.

Worship:

I say often that worship is a huge part of recovery. Actually, it is the shifting of worship from our addictions and onto the One True God. There is no recovery without that.

What does is mean to worship? We call all kinds of things “worshipping” God including going to church and singing Christian songs. The word worship occurs like 197 times in Bible, but Church gatherings and music not mentioned as part of it. Lets consider some things the Bible does tell us about worship. Isaiah 46:6 says.  “They lavish gold out of the bag, and weigh silver on the scales; they hire a goldsmith, and he makes it a god; they prostrate themselves, yes, they worship.” Obviously that verse talks about perverted worship, that of worshipping an idol, but notice carefully what the people who worship do. In Exodud 4:31 we find, “So the people believed; and when they heard that the Lord had visited the children of Israel and that He had looked on their affliction, then they bowed their heads and worshiped.” Exodus 34:8 agrees, “So Moses made haste and bowed his head toward the earth, and worshiped.” Joshus 5:14 also states, “And Joshua fell on his face to the earth and worshiped.” Then there is 2 Chronicles 29:30, “Moreover King Hezekiah and the leaders commanded the Levites to sing praise to the Lord with the words of David and of Asaph the seer. So they sang praises with gladness, and they bowed their heads and worshiped.” Job 1:20 says Job, “fell to the ground and worshiped.” Psalm 95:6 is almost a definition of worship when it says, “come, let us worship & bow down; let us kneel before the LORD our Maker.” The New Testament is no different with Matthew 2:11, “And when they had come into the house, they saw the child Jesus with Mary His mother, and fell down and worshiped Him.” Then in Rev 4:10-11, “the twenty-four elders fall down before Him who sits on the throne and worship Him who lives forever and ever, and cast their crowns before the throne, saying: “You are worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and by Your will they exist and were created.” See the pattern? Worship involves humbling yourself before God physically & attitudinally. It’s not about singing, it’s about humbling yourself and giving God reverence, glory and honor.

Why should I humble myself and bow in worship to God? If you have to ask that question, you don’t understand who God is. You are denying His power and authority and elevating yourself falsely. Here are some reminders of who God is. Revelation 4:11 says, “You are worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and by Your will they exist and were created.” Hebrews 4:13 adds, “And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.” Then Ephesians 2:4-6 tells us, “But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus.” God is all powerful, all knowing, everywhere present, holy, perfect, and your Creator and Judge. He alone has provided a way for your sinful soul to be reconciled to His holiness, through the sacrificial death and glorious resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ.

An example of worship comes in the account of a particular wealthy landowner and rancher. One day, a messenger arrived with terrible news: a hoard of barbarians came, killed the servants and taken all of the livestock. Soon after, a second messenger arrives saying a fire claimed all of the sheep. Then a third messenger arrives saying an enemy killed the servants and taken all the camels. All of this man’s wealth was gone in a moment. Then a fourth messenger arrived; a storm took the lives of all of his sons and daughters who had been trapped in the oldest son’s house. The man’s name is Job. He lost everything, literally in a matter of moments, as one messenger after another arrived with terrible news. What was Job’s response to these sudden and overwhelming tragedies? He fell to the ground and worshipped (see Job 1:20-22). So, Job worshiped and quickly everything got better, right? Hardly, after this, Job suffered even further as he was stricken with sore boils and his wife told him to just “curse God and die” (see Job 2:10). Things didn’t get better, but Job didn’t accuse God of wrongdoing or hate God. You see, worship is not about appeasing God or trying to get Him to do something for you. Worship is about acknowledging who God is. Worship is about humbling ourselves before God our Creator. Worship is all about Him. In loosing ourselves in Him, we find conscious contact with Him. We find peace, strength, and healing.

Conclusion

When trials come, when addictions hunt you, when resentment overwhelms you find the strength to stand, the power to be healed, and the peace to endure. That victory is not found in reading the 12 Steps or phoning a friend; it’s in getting our eyes off of ourselves and our situation and consciously focusing on worshipping God. Psalm 46:1-3, 10 says, “God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though its waters roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with its swelling…Be still and know that I am God.”

Have you ever actually worshipped God by humbling yourself and bowing before His majesty? Worship is a huge part of recovery because it connects your heart to God’s. Review the verses mentioned in this post, bow and worship…telling God how great He is.

Grace & Peace,

Pastor Mark