Principle 6: Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others. “Blessed are the merciful…Blessed are the peacemakers.” (Matthew 5:7, 9)
Step 8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” (Luke 6:31)
Before we can do these critical steps, we must first understand & embrace steps 1-4
step 1 is understanding that I cannot deal with my hurt or habit on my own.
step 2 is understanding that God has the power and desire to help me recover.
step 3 is choosing to commit all of my life and will to Christ’s care and control.
step 4 is beginning to let God have control through a spiritual inventory of your life.
AMENDS
As with most other weeks, there is an acrostic for A.M.E.N.D.S. Also like last week, we’ll talk about that acrostic, but we’re not spending all our time there. First of all, what does it mean to make amends? It means compensating for insult or injury, making restitution. It’s something we seldom talk about unless we’re in court. We don’t even hear much about it in Church. We tend to not care how we hurt others, or if we do, we figure asking God to forgive us all that’s necessary. No need to make restitution, right? Wrong.
Let’s start with that acrostic…
Admit the hurt and the harm that you’ve caused to others. We’ve been dealing with our own hurts, now it’s time to consider how we have hurt or harmed other people. You see, self-centeredness is a big part of our descent into addiction. As an addict of anything I don’t really care what I do to anyone else as long as my addiction is satisfied for today. As one holding resentment toward someone for the harm they’ve done to me, I want to hurt them back and take any opportunity to do so, even if I hurt another person in the process. Shifting our focus off of us, that is forsaking our addictions and resentments and taking interest in doing what is right for someone else is a BIG part of recovery!
Make a List of people you to whom you need to make amends. Column 5 on your Spiritual Inventory is a great place to start and add or subtract to it as the Lord leads. Remember that we do this unless doing so would further hurt them or others. You need to lean on the Lord’s wisdom for this, not your own. Also, don’t worry about how you’ll make amends right now, you’re just making the list.
Encourage one another to make the list, prepare to make amends, and actually follow through. Meet with your sponsor or accountability partner, let them look over the list, give you some feedback, and sign it to keep you accountable.
Not for them to apologize or make amends to you. Do not try to pass blame on anyone else, especially them! Don’t expect anything back. Don’t make excuses or justify the hurtful actions or words you are making amends for. Instead, go honestly, openly, humbly, and willingly. Know that they may even get mad at you.
Do this at the best time for them. It’s not about when you feel like making amends; this is about what’s best for them. You go out of your way to make things right.
Start living the promises of recovery. If you do all this just because you have to, if you do it begrudgingly, don’t even bother. The person you go to will surly recognize your hypocrisy, and even if they don’t, God will. BUT, if you are truly seeking victory over your hurts and habits, this will make perfect sense. It will be something you want to do, even if you are apprehensive about it. The best part is that as you honestly begin to make amends for the harm you have done, you begin to truly care about others again and you are on your way to recovery.
That’s the CR acrostic. So is it Biblical? Let’s find out…
What the Bible says about making AMENDS.
Numbers 5:5-8 (NIV) says, “When a man or woman wrongs another in any way and so is unfaithful to the Lord, that person is guilty.” Not only is our sin against the other person, it is also sin against the Lord. God told them to confess, and then make restitution in full + 20% and if the person they had wronged was dead or not around, they were to make restitution to their next-of-kin.
Proverbs 14:9 says, “Fools mock at making amends for sin, but goodwill is found among the upright.” God said that if you sin against another person, then confess and make restitution and if you didn’t obey that, you were a fool.
In 2 Samuel 12:6, the prophet Nathan confronts King David with a problem: some rich guy has stolen some poor guy’s stuff! David is furious and orders fourfold restitution saying, “he (the thief) shall restore fourfold for the lamb, because he did this thing and because he had no pity.” Then the prophet reveals that David is the thief! Only instead of a lamb, it was a guy’s wife David stole (of course David also made sure the guy was killed in battle, which God rightfully called murder). Because David did not of himself make confession, and was such a hypocrite on top of that, God makes the recompense, meaning He pays back David for his sin. God said that “the sword shall never leave your house” (12:10 ). Truly there was murder among David’s children after that. This even though God did forgive David, “the Lord also had put away your sin (12:13b). In the Old Testament, you either willingly made restitution along with your confession, or God made recompense. It was better to do it willingly.
Luke 18:31 says, “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
Most of us have heard that, even if we’ve never been to church or read the Bible. If someone does you wrong, you appreciate a confession and restitution, right? We usually demand it, don’t we? If someone hits your car, or even just cuts you off in traffic, we want to make them pay! Our courts are beyond capacity with all the lawsuits as we demand restitution for wrongs done to us. Lawyers get rich off of us all convincing us that we have a case and that they can get us money. But when it comes to our making restitution for the wrongs we’ve done…forget it! Yet, it is exactly what we need to be willing to do, as the Lord leads. Being unwilling to make amends, will delay or derail our recovery.
Most of us have heard that, even if we’ve never been to church or read the Bible. If someone does you wrong, you appreciate a confession and restitution, right? We usually demand it, don’t we? If someone hits your car, or even just cuts you off in traffic, we want to make them pay! Our courts are beyond capacity with all the lawsuits as we demand restitution for wrongs done to us. Lawyers get rich off of us all convincing us that we have a case and that they can get us money. But when it comes to our making restitution for the wrongs we’ve done…forget it! Yet, it is exactly what we need to be willing to do, as the Lord leads. Being unwilling to make amends, will delay or derail our recovery.
