Step 4: Love does not envy

Introduction

In this post we continue to look at the roll of love in recovery. What does love have to do with recovery? Everything. If you are to believe Step 2 when it says that God cares about you and will help you recover, you must understand that is true because God loves you. If you are to forgive others and make amends in Step 9, it must be motivated by love for them, not just trying to get some burden off your own back. If you are going to tell someone else about what God is doing in your life in Step 12, it will be because you love them.

The word love is greatly misused, misunderstood and abused in our language and culture. We “love” all kinds of things and romantic “love” is mostly associated with sex and little else. God, however, provides a description of true love in 1 Corinthians 13. That is what we have been discussing for a couple weeks and will continue with this post.

We began our Step 4 spiritual inventory with a discussion of love and the first descriptive words in 1 Corinthians 13:4 which are “patient” and “kind.” This post begins with a quick review of those two important pieces.

Love Does Not Envy:

God’s description of love begins with this, “Love suffers long” (1 Corinthians 13:4). The Greek word translated “suffers long” or “is patient” means to withstand aggravation without complaint. The second descriptive word in 1 Corinthians 13:4 is “kind.” The Greek verb “kind” means to take merciful and gracious action toward someone. So then, in our spiritual inventory, do you show love that is patient and kind? As addicts, that is highly unlikely. Addiction makes us very selfish, so patience and kindness like that just don’t happen. We can do some “nice” things but there will be some type of selfish motivation. Godly love moves to demonstrate compassion with no selfish motivation.

Moving on, 1 Corinthians 13:4 says, “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up.” Let’s start with “love does not envy.” Love is not jealous of what someone has, does or receives. Envy is a negative feeling due to someone else’s achievement, success, or benefit. We can’t be jealous of another’s lifestyle, fortune, appearance or popularity. The problem is that often we are envious of others. That envy creates division between you and the person you envy. It creates a bad attitude in your heart and mind toward them and even if you try to hide it, the monster of envy will cause you to have a hardness toward them.

Next 1 Corinthians 13:4 says, “love does not parade itself.” Love doesn’t brag or boast. Bragging means heaping praise on oneself, elevating and promoting your self-glory. Ever been around a braggart who can’t stop telling you how great they are? It gets old, right? Love does not do that. Bragging exalts self and diminishes others which creates disunity, only this time it hardens the hearts of others toward you. If you’re good at bragging, it may even cause others to envy; and love doesn’t lead others to sin.

Next, 1 Corinthians 13:4 says, “love is not puffed up.” Love isn’t proud. Pride is an exaggerated self-concept. In our culture, pride is considered a virtue, but God says it is sin. Pride is based upon biased opinions and information leading to self-deception and a corrupted view of reality. It leads you to believe that if you’re that good, you don’t need help and don’t need anyone else including God. That is a broad pathway to addiction. Now, pride can also work another way. If you think very lowly of yourself, pride can drive you to escape those self-beliefs through some artificial means which can easily turn into an addiction.

Conclusion

Envy, bragging, and pride destroy relationships and keep us deceived. Addiction (even codependency) is an entirely selfish thing and envy, bragging and pride are always involved, maybe in a subtle way, maybe not. Envy is itself an addiction and leads to more addiction by seeking escape. Bragging creates envy in others and divides us. Pride keeps me from seeking help and leads me to resist necessary changes. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you what kind of love you have been showing:

How envious are you of close family?

How much do you elevate yourself before extended family and friends?

How prideful are you around acquaintances and strangers?

Do you think you’re better than those who hate you?

How do these affect your relationship with God?

Grace & Peace,

Pastor Mark